Who needed a life coach? Turns out that I did! I absolutely did!!

by Chris Well

imageWell….. So here is the story.  Those people who really know me, think of me as pretty pulled together.  I give off that persona, working two jobs, doing all kinds of extra things for school, curriculum enhancements,  keeping up with plans, papers and more, crafty things for my class, digital projects.  All that besides helping my own kids and my family, being all the things that a mom is, always there. If you call, I am in the car, on my way.   I do most of my own yard work, take care of my house and everything that just goes with living.  On top of that, I always make time to help friends with all kinds of projects. I don’t hire people, I find out how to do it and try it myself,  Like I said, I give off the notion of having it all together, all the time.

But the truth is, that like most people, there are the parts of my life that no one ever sees, pain I hide, frantic times where I am like a juggler who can’t keep all the balls in the air, and that constant idea of pulled together? Well, it’s sort of like a dog and pony show…it was an act.  Oh, I can juggle all that, but notice what is missing from the equation?

The life for ME.   I stopped having any kind of life for me a long time ago and it never returned. I work.  That’s what I do, I work, and as my friend Mark told me a long time ago, “When there is no work, you invent some.”

It’s true that some of those things bring satisfaction, but where are the parts that nurtured me as a person? Where was the real fun?  What was there to express myself? Easy!! There wasn’t.  It’s like I have been punishing myself most of my adult life.  That is another long story.

When I started with Dr. Jack, i told him I was glad he worked virtually because of how busy I am.  One day when we were trying to square up a date to meet, he asked me how many days I work both jobs.  My answer was, “Most every day, and then Saturday too and on Sunday, I catch up work I missed all week.”    I remember exactlyyyyyyyyy his response and the inflection of his voice, “Really?? What do you do for yourself? How do you relax?”   I told him I didn’t, I work, then I go to work, I collapse into bed, get up and do it again tomorrow.

Dr. Jack, wisely, just listened.  At the time, I didn’t understand that his silence meant he was thinking about what I said and probably wanted to say something.   I didn’t ask what he was thinking but I do all the time now.  Now, when I hear how quiet it gets, I know he has something I absolutely need to hear from someone brave enough to tell me.

I knew he was taking on a big job with me when we started.  He didn’t know what a mess I really was.  As time went on, I revealed more and more to him about my life story, my background, my inner thoughts, because my level of trust in him was enormous.  Plus, you can’t really expect someone to help you with all your issues if you aren’t upfront, and a lot of those issues had a huge impact on my eating habits and self esteem.  I was surprised when he knew it all, that he kept me.  I had a lot of things that had a negative impact on my life and my health.  If you don’t think your baggage has an impact on your ability to lose weight, you are wrong!

One day, I was having a frustrating kind of day, buried in work, and  I sent Dr. Jack a text about how I was tired of living the way I do.  I know exactly where I was sitting that day.  I went on for a few minutes,   and suddenly he answered back. “Do you want me to tell you how to fix that?” I didn’t waste a second answering, “YES!!!!!”

He messaged me back a name, Rob Ciminelli, who is a life coach.  I sat staring at the phone.  A life coach??  Does he realize how old I am??  I think it’s too late for that.  Plus, where was I going to squeak in a life coach??   Dr. Jack patiently explained that this man and his program could help me to get past some of this baggage  I was carrying around.  He told me that Rob could help me develop a new perspective, help me with my career and personal life, that he could help me build a new future for myself.  I was sitting there staring at the phone and thinking that seemed impossible.  I didn’t have time! I didn’t want to invest money into it.  I didn’t want to expose feelings to someone I didn’t know.  What was ever going to come out of it? It would be a waste of precious time, resources and rip open stuff I didn’t want anyone to know.  And who was wrong about that!?  Completely and totally wrong??   Easy!!   ME!!

I contacted Rob and we met one day so he could explain his program and how it worked.  I was curious but somewhat skeptical.  His work was founded in the work of Mary Morrisey, and he reiterated what Dr. Jack had told me.  He could help me clear out the clutter of my life, reinvent life I had envisioned, and make a life, a real life for myself.  I listened to what he said, and the whole idea scared me some.  I knew for this to work, we would delve into areas I wasn’t sure I was ready to face.  Like my divorce.

Did I ever tell you I am divorced! No, of course I didn’t.  I act like I should be ashamed of it, when there is no reason to!  My marriage ended seven years ago.  It’s really no ones business but ours and Joe and I have found our way to friendship.  I have been there for him in many health crises he has faced.   But I act like our divorce is something I should be ashamed of, like it was my failure.  And while Joe has gone on and found people to date,  made a life for himself, found people to have relationships with, I remain as with a lot of things…..stuck.

I was also scared of what other things we might discuss. I have doors inside that I keep tightly locked, hidden away.  I didn’t want to open those….I spent to many years padlocking them shut. But one thing I knew for sure, like all the other people I have met through Dr. Jack, I just liked this guy.  I liked his personality, I liked the way he talked,  he seemed very nice, very genuine, and both of us thought we could work well together.

So once again, I took the big leap of faith and I jumped in with both feet, taking a chance.   I was nervous but everyone Dr. Jack has recommended, I have enjoyed working with.   Dr. Jack promised me a day would come where I would trust Rob to see those doors inside, that I would share my stories and that he would help me to make peace with them.  Was I scared??  Petrified!!  But wanting real help was more pressing than fear.  I wanted out of living as I had.

I have been working with Rob a while now, and the most amazing things have happened.  That level of trust has been given to him completely.  And in doing so, not being afraid to let him see the emotional hoarder I am? Well, amazing things are starting to happen for me.

In the short time we have worked together so far, he has totally changed my life.  Suddenly, I don’t see bad stories, I see possibilities.  If someone had told me that this quiet speaking man could say words that touched me right to my soul, I wouldn’t have believed them.  But he has, and his life lessons have put huge band aids on parts of my heart that have hurt for a very long time.   He has brought peace.  He has unlocked doors of intense pain, walked right in a ripped it right out, leaving room for new!  He has taught me that I am not my stories. That I need to just take the lessons I learned, not carry all this useless baggage with me.  Dr. Jack removed physical weight, he removed a ton of emotional weight, and Rob has taken off the weight on my soul.

It has not been all sweetness and flowers.  We have done some tough work, dirty, messy work, but in that work, I have come to understand so much about myself, about why I am the way I am, and that change is totally possible for me.

It’s small every day stuff and it’s ginormous massive  stuff many days!   Things that were buried so deep I almost forgot they were in there, things I never wanted to think about again, but in doing his work I have cleared out all that old junk that has served no purpose other than to hold me back!   I have made room for new things! I have forgiven things that I never thought I could.  I have moved past all kinds of fears, and all kinds of pain, and met new challenges head on!  I have looked at things through new eyes!

Mentally, I feel so much more at peace and so much stronger.  You know,  the truth about me is that I always kept busy so I didn’t have to feel any pain.  I get that now.  I worked a lot and never gave myself any time to actually have a life, to really live!   Almost a self punishing action for really no good reason.

Through Rob and Dr. Jack,  I have learned that am so worth so much more than I ever really believed.  I am worthy of having a nice life. I know that I truly deserve it! I finally believe that!

I learned that I don’t have to accept everyone’s opinion if me as truth.  I know myself now.  I don’t have to believe what others think anymore.   I can stop and act in a situation, not react.  I have been able to hear hurtful things said to me and not carry it on my self esteem.  It’s someone else’s perception, not mine.

I learned skills I never possessed my entire life…. How to nurture myself!  How to feed my soul, not just my body and not just my mind,  To worry about myself and care for myself with the same passion And compassion I use for everyone I know.

What a tremendous gift that has been….. What a soul healing gift…. To be at home inside yourself! Finally!!!……To wake up everyday with joy and hope for what the day will bring….to go to bed at night in peace… To see that the best for me is still yet to come!!  To see that there is so much more yet!!  To enjoy every moment, even the tough stuff, because it, too, is a blessing!

All  this because one doctor was brave enough to take on a patient that needed so much more than any other patient ever would, because he had the strength to tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear.   And because he found ways and others to heal the parts of me that were also in pain.

At first….. I thought I would never tell anyone about my work with Rob. Sort of like I was embarrassed that someone like me needed that kind of help.   Well….. It turns out that the more people I tell, I find out that LOTS of people need a little help, too!    Turns out I am feeling so great about it, I am telling everyone.

Rob Ciminelli is a wonderful, kind human being with a passion to save the world, one person at a time, just like Dr. Jack.  That’s probably why I love them so much!

I am so eternally grateful that they picked to save me.

Hugssssssss,

Chris

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